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Why does psychotherapy work? There are many reasons, but today we are going to focus on one in particular — the therapeutic relationship.

One of the biggest predictors of success in therapy is a good relationship between the client and therapist. Sometimes there are misunderstandings and miscommunication issues.

These are a normal part of any relationship, including the therapeutic relationship. Some common issues that might come up are financial issues, personality differences, misunderstanding therapeutic techniques or progress, disagreements over goals, etc. Other times a phenomenon called transference occurs. Transference happens when a client relates to the therapist as if they were some other important person in their life, like a family member or a significant other or even a perpetrator.

The therapist then becomes a type of mirror, with the client projecting feelings, thoughts, fantasies, and defensiveness onto the therapist that rightly belong to someone else. This is mostly done on an unconscious level. Far from being a symptom of mental illness, this is something we all do in everyday life. Have you ever had a really strong reaction to someone seemingly out of the blue, either positive or negative? Transference is a normal and very important part of therapy.

Relational patterns get repeated within the therapy relationship and, if those things are talked about, can lead to great insights and transformative action. This type of disclosure is welcome and encouraged in therapy. Talking about the therapeutic relationship can feel awkward at first.

This type of communication is not something that many people are used to doing on a day-to-day basis, especially in professional relationships. When a relationship difficulty occurs, the client has some responsibility for their part in resolving the issue.

Resolving relational issues in therapy is not only the responsibility of the client, but also the responsibility of the therapist. Here are a few things you should expect from your therapist:. Processing issues in the therapeutic relationship can be a difficult part of therapy. However, the benefits of working through a relational difficulty in a healthy way with your therapist are worth sitting with a little discomfort.

We usually get stuck on being hurt and offended as a means of controlling the situation. But, after some time, we should be able to move on and not get fixated on what had happened to us. This is also normal because we need certain conditions to be able to let go of the control that we believe we have when we hold a grudge.

First of all, after the transgression of our spouse, we all hope for a good, sincere, genuine apology. We then also need to heal from the injury itself. We need the trauma to transform into growth. Finally, we need the hurtful behavior to stop and never to be repeated. When you find yourself not being able to forgive, no matter how hard you try, forgive yourself. But, you have the right not to do so. Instead, take a moment to get to know yourself a bit better.

What made you unable to forgive? What it is that you absolutely need from your spouse? What was missing? How could the situation have transgressed differently? What are the options for you and your marriage now? There are many important lessons you can learn from every situation, including this one.

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All Rights Reserved. By Rachael Pace , Expert Blogger. Share on Facebook. Share on Twitter. Share on Pintrest. Share on Whatsapp. In This Article. Share this article on Share on Facebook.